May 22, 2017

108: CNN Not Over Russia

Ivan and Byron laugh about how CNN obsesses over Russia like a scorned lover who totally swears she's over her ex—despite constantly talking about him; ignorance in state schools, Bill Nye's ice cream propaganda, and news stories about banning Mothers' & Fathers' Day school crafts in elementary schools and applause during speeches on college campuses, both in the name of inclusivity.


Also, people who reveal truth are the enemy, Antifa are the new Khmer Rouge but with worse hygiene, the pedo sex Wreck beach Nazi, and "whole lotta pedo goin' on" in Jerry Lee Lewis's marriage and "the religion of special needs."


PS: Some day scientists will find JFK's brain and be able to find out what Marilyn Monroe's hoo-ha felt like.


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May 15, 2017

107: ‘Allo, Allah!

When it comes to jihad, France just can't get enough and chooses suicide by Emmanuel Macron's globalist, pro-EU, and open-borders policies (plus his "Satan's Cornflake" wife) while Byron gets nostalgic for the electric chair and the good old days when perverts weren't lazy and Ivan muses about how good reggae must be dripping with either the Old Testament or big bouncing asses. The guys also discuss the local BC provincial elections—in which Ivan's kid endorses Tucker Carlson—before getting into news about shooting down drones in Kentucky and immunity for drivers who run over protesters.


Plus: social justice aliens, how to tell if something's Communist, "Fake Tits America", and how the relationship between the Deep State and Islamic terrorists blossomed in the Soviet-Afghanistan war of the 1980s.


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May 8, 2017

106: Sub-Prime Puthay

Ivan and Byron discuss the impending Canadian real estate crash, and Byron's looking forward to finally being able to afford that dumpster home he's had his eye on once Vancouver's insane real estate bubble bursts. Meanwhile, Ivan gloats about being both recession- and earthquake-proof before the guys get into discussing the Saudis fighting Yemeni childhood obesity, ISIS-front real estate in Syria, right-wing ice cream, Hillary kissing KKK senator Robert Byrd, Pakistan being the porn search capital of the world, and how Trump vs. Lil' Kim Jong Un is like the Mob taking on the local autistic kid.


Also: Axl Rose looks like an angry lesbian, KISS and Scooby Doo are the gateway drug to glam rock and ozone-depleting hairspray, the profound poetry of Mötley Crüe, weaponized wild boars, the "skinny white hoods" of the new inclusive KKK in the Pacific Northwest, conspiracy theories about John Lennon faking his own death, and Keith Richards is an immortal avatar of a Hindu god, sustained by goats' blood transfusions while Bob Marley proved to be not nearly as resilient.


PS: "Goat, machine gun, lady with one leg, porn."


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Apr 30, 2017

105: Red Line in the Sandbox

This week, Ivan and Byron discuss the ongoing saga of the USA vs. North Korea, wherein Trump is going to give Lil' Kim Jong Un a detention if he keeps breaking the nuke rules. Byron, however, is far more worried about Lil' Kim's weight issues and gets a little confused as to Ray Charles' song inspirations before the guys dig into Stalin's skin care problems and other personal body issues of dictators, how the assassination of JFK was really a surprise duel between Kennedy and the Deep State, needing more specific descriptions of open mic comedians, and Margaret Thatcher's swearing-in.


Plus: news about overturning a ban on duels between public officials in Oregon, MIT's new book "Communism for Kids," Islamic slavery in Libya, and kicking antifa ass at Berkeley.


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Apr 24, 2017

104: Kellie Don’t Turf

In this special Prince memorial episode, Ivan and Byron riff on Tory leadership candidate Kellie Leitch's straight-out-of-the-1950s anti-marijuana stance before getting into Byron's favorite massages and anal toy fixations, Gregor Robertson and rising homelessness in Vancouver vs. rising fentanyl overdoses, skinny jeans and scrotal rot, leftist comics whine that audiences don't laugh at their anti-Brexit jokes, and what Trump might do to the White House bowling alley cum basketball court.


Plus: Ivan muses about whether Prince considered Michelle Obama a peach or not and claims there is such a thing as good reggae, or there was before 1986. Meanwhile, Byron is shocked to learn that Ivan only smokes tobacco, and Kim Jong Un is the Oriental Idi Amin.


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Apr 17, 2017

103: 1984 For Dummies

Ivan and Byron discuss going to see 1984 with a bunch of Commie whiners who don't realize it's about their Utopia, parallels between Newspeak and PC language policing, social media as a mode of compliance, and fascist gays before getting into news stories about weeding out snowflakes during the hiring process, Dolce & Gabbana telling SJWs to go to Hell, and the LA Unified School District cutting funds to schools whose student bodies are more than 30% white.


Plus: Pepsi is the peacemaking soda and the SJWs get enraged by that; the Great San Francisco earthquake; anti-seduction laws; campus rape rules, and Byron's tales of getting bullied by the ESL kids.


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Apr 10, 2017

102: Make Syria Flat Again

Ivan and Byron try to figure out what the Hell Trump was thinking when he launched some missiles at Syria this week after an alleged gas attack by the Assad government, enraging many of his supporters and enchanting neo-cons and Deep State scumbags.


Meanwhile, Byron's too off-the-grid to complain about Amy Schumer's plagiarism, and the gang discuss some news stories about an upcoming writers' strike in Hollywood and billing Mufti Merkel for overdue NATO expenses, plus the KKK's favorite brand of deodorant according to Twitter snowflakes, the Lincoln assassination, the prophecies of Bill Hicks, radical Islamic surfer dudes, the breakup of the Beatles, and an expensive shit sandwich


PS: Ivan speculates on Carrot Top & Las Vegas bedtime stories.


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Apr 3, 2017

101: Been Nice Knowing E.U.!

Euro Führer Juncker is acting like a spurned ex, threatening to punish the UK for leaving the EU. Byron, of course, has him confused with a certain action hero while Ivan gloats about the EU's imminent distintegration and discusses the difference between living with Islamic terrorism and living with the IRA's terrorism.


Plus: Kellie Leitch's taste in weapons, 4chan turns its weaponized autism towards protecting the US border, the Falklands war, viewing TV and commercials through a red-pilled lens, the crappiest banks in Canada, vegans can do anything except when Mount Everest says otherwise, and brainwashing the biology out of small children.


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Mar 27, 2017

100: Islamists Can’t Drive

In this 100th episode, Ivan and Byron discuss the latest twist on the old joke about "Asian" drivers, more about Trudeau's new anti-blasphemy "motion," Byron's new restaurant venture, Pol Pot's favorite fertilizer, how Geert Wilders pays the bills, winning Scarlet Johanssen's heart John Hinckley-style, social media ratbots, Taliban tree planting, triggering scales, and how white people are hogging all the racism.


After that, Byron reminds Ivan there are other options besides being forced to live in this messed-up world, and the gang argue about who's hotter: Justin Trudeau or a young Benjamin Netanyahu.


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Mar 20, 2017

99: Kevin O’Leary: Paddy Plant

Kevin O'Leary is running for leadership of the Conservative Party but he's not fooling Ivan, who much prefers the "4chan/alt-right" Kellie Leitch and her "Prairie Lesbian" hair. Meanwhile, Byron argues free speech with some female comic who thinks right wingers should be stopped, and confuses Trudeau's proposed blasphemy law C103 with C3PO.

The guys then get into vandals wrecking the greens on a Trump golf course, feminists fighting to remove cars from Sweden, Tiger Woods, Shia La Beouf,  lunatic fans, and the time when Elvis joined the army & Nevada legalized gambling.

Plus: Byron rants about Lambourghinis while Ivan waxes poetic about "nasty mums."

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