Jan 30, 2017

93: Hate Trump Love Islam

Byron's gone to get some milk in London, so it's just Ivan and Pyra this week, talking about Trump's inauguration (wherein he dared to say "Islamic terror" and implies it's a bad thing) and all the whiny brats who "just. can't. even. OMG…" about it (ie, the Women's March and other asinine protests sponsored by Soros and CAIR spokeswomen). They also riff on Bill Maher vs. Jenna Jameson, Madonna losing what little bit was left of her mind, Trayvon ISIS, liberal preppers, a whole lot of lost marbles on Interstate 465, racist microscopes on campus, and Ivan's latest right wing business idea.

Plus: Ivan pisses off his neighbour's friend and Pyra's Amazon recommendations list has Evil George Soros cooties.

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Jan 23, 2017

92: All Oil, No Pipe

Byron and Ivan riff on Justin Trudeau, oil pipelines, Quebec, and equalization payments before drilling into news stories about a Dutch woman denied Swiss citizenship for being a pain in the ass, Sault Ste. Marie wanting its citizens to register as certified non-racists, and Obama sealing many of his presidential records for 12 years.

Plus: the first Winter Olympics, students who want to "decolonize" their philosophy courses, Hutu Hate Radio, and Ivan's fantasy execution of the week.

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Jan 16, 2017

91: Trump Watersports CNN

Byron diagnoses Ivan as a "full-blown Stage 4 conservative" as the guys chat about the upcoming tremendous Trump inauguration and 4chan's Pissgate prank turned CIA dossier and Buzzfeed fake news smear. They also discuss how George Soros is feeling the wrath of an angry God - or maybe just an angry Mammon - and the US Environmental Protection Agency seems awfully concerned with where their staff members want to stick their dicks on the weekends, "Russian gangster decor" and who's responsible for the tacky decor at Trump Tower, Prohibition, and the end of the Iran hostage crisis.

Plus: Rosie O'Donnell wants martial law to stop Trump due to imaginary charges he's not under, and Ivan launches a new weekly segment called "Fantasy Execution."

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Jan 9, 2017

90: Resolutions Falling Off The Treadmill

In this week's discussion of New Year's resolutions, Byron resolves to be more liberal in 2017 (and to use more glossy magazines as toilet paper) while Ivan feels resolutions are for leftists. They then get into what Putin, Obama, Melania Trump, and the Trudeaus vow to do differently this year before riffing on news stories about Californian prostitution, a very Canadian tale of suckerpunching a cougar in a Timmy's parking lot, and suing to find the origin of a bag of dicks.

Plus: Byron's never been to a Canadian Tire, Axl Rose is retarded, the Knights Templar, and Lena Dunham's ancestors fool Columbus.

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Jan 2, 2017

89: Russia Behind Celebrity Death Wave

Celebrities keep dying and Ivan lets it slip who's really behind it all (2016's favorite villainous duo: Putin and the alt-right) before getting a little too interested in Byron's tasselly nipples and unique ability to disappoint girlfriends. After that, the guys talk about 2016's biggest stories such as Obama's scorched earth tantrums, the Chicago murder rate, the war on white privilege, and the slippery slope from supporting Bernie to defending pedophiles.

Plus: voodoo dolls, the reconquista of Spain, the impeachment of Bill Clinton, and some "sub-prime fake news" about standing up for German schnitzel, banning adults from lurking around kiddie playgrounds, wearing goat horns in your driver's license photo, and the best-loved boobs in Brazil, Cameroon, Namibia, and the Czech Republic.

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Dec 25, 2016

88: Happy Christmas, War Is Over!

On this very merry Christmas episode, Ivan and Byron discuss their Christmas plans and wishes and go another round on why Paul McCartney was so much better than John Lennon. They also talk about Ivan's Trump inauguration preditions and British Muslims being offended by Remembrance Day before Ivan ditches early to go get his kids (or someone's kids, hopefully not for anything pizza-related) and Byron leaves early for a merry happy ending massage, leaving Pyra to wrap the show up on her own until Leroy Leroux swoops in to try to finally hunt Byron down.

Plus: Peter Murphy is our Snowflake of the Week for getting a bouncer fired for eating a burger, JonBenet Ramsey, and news about selling Parisian love locks to fund refugees and good news for shallow vain people in 10 years.

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Dec 20, 2016

87: From Russia, With Lies

Byron's back, and somehow managed to not get radicalized in his travels in the UK and Germany! The guys discuss British reactions to Trump, the media's scapegoating of the Russians, the electoral college, and Trump's cabinet picks before digging in to news stories about Hollywood and fashion PR firms cancelling their Christmas parties after Hillary's electoral loss, Kanye West taking the Red Pill, and great-grandfather Mick Jagger becoming a dad again.

Plus: Yaletown comedy fans, Byron's attempts to convert people to "Chineseism," the CBC's budget, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," and Dutch meat taxes. This week's Snowflake of the Week: SJWs vs. Muslim Student Unions over "problematic" Hijabi for a Day events.

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Dec 12, 2016

86: Ping Pong Pizza Party

Pedos and ping-pong and pizza, oh my! Ivan and Pyra chat about the sinister side of Washington, DC pizza joints (as revealed by DNC emails via Wikileaks) before getting into news stories about the worst fake ID ever, tips on how to hide black eyes on Moroccan TV, and a genderqueer deer.

Plus, Ivan has a genius idea on what to do with SJWs, Trudeau wonders what to wear to meet Trump, and the perfect gift for the dirty hippie in your life. And in this week in history: 'Merica don't need no stinkin' tea, and Dave the 8th renounces his crown for the love of his life, Adolf Hitler.

Bonus end rant: Pyra rambles on about the CIA's funding of avant garde art.

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Dec 5, 2016

85: Who’s Your Daddy?

Justin Trudeau mourns the death of his mom's dear 'friend' Fidel Castro, drawing mockery from all around the world, including Ivan and Pyra. Later, Ivan channels Byron to come up with a theme song for This Week in History—wherein John Lennon gets shot!—and sings the praises of Paul McCartney.

Ivan and Pyra also riff on news stories about using Nickelback to punish drunk drivers, an infidel monkey, Trump voodoo dolls, Reddit's CEO stealth-editing users' posts, vegan-unfriendly money, the Ohio State University attack, and a snowflake who got offended by a pamphlet she didn't even read.

Plus: Axl Rose saves Pyra hundreds of dollars and not on car insurance.

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Nov 28, 2016

84: Canadian Values: Roll Up the Rim to Enter

Lefties think Kellie Leitch is Canada's Hitler for wanting to protect "Canadian Values" so Ivan and Pyra give a handy-dandy cheat sheet about fitting in in Canada. They also discuss a proposed Sharia subdivision in Montreal, a plan for sharing Canada's excess grizzly bears with California, and Lena Dunham talking to rocks in Arizona.

Plus: news stories about how to bait a police trap with donuts, bullying robot cars, and selfie-taking morons destroying priceless statues.

This week's Snowflake(s) of the Week: holding a campus shit-in for trans-inclusivity.

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