Apr 24, 2017

104: Kellie Don’t Turf

In this special Prince memorial episode, Ivan and Byron riff on Tory leadership candidate Kellie Leitch's straight-out-of-the-1950s anti-marijuana stance before getting into Byron's favorite massages and anal toy fixations, Gregor Robertson and rising homelessness in Vancouver vs. rising fentanyl overdoses, skinny jeans and scrotal rot, leftist comics whine that audiences don't laugh at their anti-Brexit jokes, and what Trump might do to the White House bowling alley cum basketball court.

 

Plus: Ivan muses about whether Prince considered Michelle Obama a peach or not and claims there is such a thing as good reggae, or there was before 1986. Meanwhile, Byron is shocked to learn that Ivan only smokes tobacco, and Kim Jong Un is the Oriental Idi Amin.

 

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Apr 17, 2017

103: 1984 For Dummies

Ivan and Byron discuss going to see 1984 with a bunch of Commie whiners who don't realize it's about their Utopia, parallels between Newspeak and PC language policing, social media as a mode of compliance, and fascist gays before getting into news stories about weeding out snowflakes during the hiring process, Dolce & Gabbana telling SJWs to go to Hell, and the LA Unified School District cutting funds to schools whose student bodies are more than 30% white.

 

Plus: Pepsi is the peacemaking soda and the SJWs get enraged by that; the Great San Francisco earthquake; anti-seduction laws; campus rape rules, and Byron's tales of getting bullied by the ESL kids.

 

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Apr 10, 2017

102: Make Syria Flat Again

Ivan and Byron try to figure out what the Hell Trump was thinking when he launched some missiles at Syria this week after an alleged gas attack by the Assad government, enraging many of his supporters and enchanting neo-cons and Deep State scumbags.

 

Meanwhile, Byron's too off-the-grid to complain about Amy Schumer's plagiarism, and the gang discuss some news stories about an upcoming writers' strike in Hollywood and billing Mufti Merkel for overdue NATO expenses, plus the KKK's favorite brand of deodorant according to Twitter snowflakes, the Lincoln assassination, the prophecies of Bill Hicks, radical Islamic surfer dudes, the breakup of the Beatles, and an expensive shit sandwich

 

PS: Ivan speculates on Carrot Top & Las Vegas bedtime stories.

 

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Apr 3, 2017

101: Been Nice Knowing E.U.!

Euro Führer Juncker is acting like a spurned ex, threatening to punish the UK for leaving the EU. Byron, of course, has him confused with a certain action hero while Ivan gloats about the EU's imminent distintegration and discusses the difference between living with Islamic terrorism and living with the IRA's terrorism.

 

Plus: Kellie Leitch's taste in weapons, 4chan turns its weaponized autism towards protecting the US border, the Falklands war, viewing TV and commercials through a red-pilled lens, the crappiest banks in Canada, vegans can do anything except when Mount Everest says otherwise, and brainwashing the biology out of small children.

 

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Mar 27, 2017

100: Islamists Can’t Drive

In this 100th episode, Ivan and Byron discuss the latest twist on the old joke about "Asian" drivers, more about Trudeau's new anti-blasphemy "motion," Byron's new restaurant venture, Pol Pot's favorite fertilizer, how Geert Wilders pays the bills, winning Scarlet Johanssen's heart John Hinckley-style, social media ratbots, Taliban tree planting, triggering scales, and how white people are hogging all the racism.

 

After that, Byron reminds Ivan there are other options besides being forced to live in this messed-up world, and the gang argue about who's hotter: Justin Trudeau or a young Benjamin Netanyahu.

 

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Mar 20, 2017

99: Kevin O’Leary: Paddy Plant

Kevin O'Leary is running for leadership of the Conservative Party but he's not fooling Ivan, who much prefers the "4chan/alt-right" Kellie Leitch and her "Prairie Lesbian" hair. Meanwhile, Byron argues free speech with some female comic who thinks right wingers should be stopped, and confuses Trudeau's proposed blasphemy law C103 with C3PO.

The guys then get into vandals wrecking the greens on a Trump golf course, feminists fighting to remove cars from Sweden, Tiger Woods, Shia La Beouf,  lunatic fans, and the time when Elvis joined the army & Nevada legalized gambling.

Plus: Byron rants about Lambourghinis while Ivan waxes poetic about "nasty mums."

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Mar 6, 2017

98: Ice Cream Führer

This week the guys discuss Byron's alcohol-fuelled "research" at Trump Tower's cocktail lounge while Rosie O'Donnell wants to snack with Soros and Democrats throw a white-clad tantrum against Trump. Ivan and Byron also riff on Amy Schumer as Let Herself Go Barbie, Tucker Carlson's secret identity as Ken, progressive ice cream flavours, Steve Bannon the creepy step-dad, Wikipedia wars over Garfield's gender, Byron's new toothpaste, and angry/delusional French-Canadian hippies.

Plus: Joseph Stalin would have made a terrible priest yet it's too bad he didn't go that way, the Oscars were a gong show as usual, and jizz is the elixir of life.

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Feb 27, 2017

97: Disneyland Death Squad

North Korea's Dear Leader Lil' Kim is up to no good yet again, killing his half-brother for having once gone to Disneyland while Ivan and Byron discuss the most nervous hairdresser on earth, cheap laughs for delusional comedians, Shariah porn, replacing bureaucrats with robots, Byron's collection of sexy bear pin-up posters, and a college punishing a student who filmed and posted a deranged prof's election rant.

Plus: Playboy's bringing back the naked chicks, 2017 is killing off B-list semi-celebrities, Russians hack CNN's font size, and Hillary Clinton's vaginal venom.

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Feb 20, 2017

96: T’n'T Supermarket

Trump and "Joe" Trudeau have their big important meeting wherein the CBC thought Trudeau won somehow while Trump gets to thinking that maybe the northern border doesn't need a fence but certainly a nice hedge is in order.

Meanwhile, Ivan and Byron muse about raging jealous Quebecois wives, Byron's American accents, Tucker Carlson vs. Bill O'Reilly, Milo Yiannopoulos visit to Bill Maher's show, and "clapping fucking seal" hacks in comedy clubs.

Then Ivan has a brilliant idea to solve both the lethal injection drug shortage in the USA and the fentanyl crisis and the guys discuss both Nixon's trip to China and Ivan's trip to the equally communist Seattle.

PS: Byron's sex life is sponsored by CT Fletcher, motherfuckers.

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Feb 13, 2017

95: Mosque-place Violence

Byron's returned from getting milked in England and it turns out he's doing Britain's Got Talent but refuses to tell us anything about it. Instead, the guys talk about the media finally getting the hate crime against Muslims that they've been longing for, albeit with a whole lot of pesky inconsistencies in the story and timing which is awfully convenient for Trudeau's new anti-free speech/blasphemy law. They also riff on people losing their minds over Trump's 90 travel delay for a handful of countries picked by the Obama administration, insane French Canadians, the delusions and poisonous output of the CBC, and Ivan's close encounter with Justin Trudeau.

Plus: news stories about tubby leftists who want to moon Trump Tower, getting the cops involved with price disputes with your weed dealer, a would-be female serial killer, and how Joseph McCartney was right about Commies.

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